Jimmy Jam, Sally Slam and the Rude Awakening Pt. 1

 

Last time we saw Jimmy and Sally, Sally had just woken up in the middle of the night and discovered that their extended stay in the Grove of L’il Suicides was nothing but a dream. As it turns out, they didn’t spend a lifetime in the after life. Nor did they eventually return to earth and fall in love. However, their parents were still fed up with what horrible children they were and both Jimmy’s Wizard Uncle and Sally’s Aunt Witch took vows to never bring them back from the dead again.

Jimmy had the same dream Sally did. He too, woke up crying but didn’t call out for comfort. If he did, he was afraid he’d lose the fear he spent years instilling in his mother and second dad. If word got out that he cried over a dream- no matter how terrifying a dream it was- his reputation as coolest kid in town would be tarnished forever. So he sucked it up and chewed on his pillow until he fell back asleep.

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The Ruiner “Easy Way Out” Pt. 5

 

V. Let’s Make a Deal

The sub-basement of Fourth Branch Safe House, Newark, NJ November 15, 03:13

“I told you, I’m supposed to be on vacation. That’s the only reason why. I’m not saying anything else until I hear from my boss.”

Agent 99 shook his head for the twenty-second time in the 15 minutes he’d been interrogating Vincent Harris.

“I’m going to ask one more time and if you still want to be a wise ass, I’ll have to, uh, switch my interview style, if you see where I’m going.”

“Sure, buddy. Whatever you have to do. You don’t want to believe me, that’s your ass- not mine. I already gave you the same answers to the same questions about six times now. Is my face that dishonest looking? I’m not sure why we’re having all these problems establishing rapport.”

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T.J. Washington In “Hoodoo, Hoodone, Hoodid Pt. 2

II.

I don’t really like to talk to the police. My line of work routinely requires I rent a flame thrower from someone who is over 300 years old. Also, I’m dating a pixie and I just helped my best friend murder a mummy while committing insurance fraud. Talking to the fuzz is part of the job, though. No getting around – or used- to it.

” ‘Grease fire made worse by way of mummy interference’ is my best guess officer. Near as I can figure, the mummy stumbled into the kitchen and then, well you know, everything was on fire,” Sam explained to the cop in front of him.

She was a short woman in a big hat. It was the smallest hat available (Sam made sure to ask) and it was still too big on her.

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Jimmy Jam, Sally Slam, and The 7th Circle Bedlam Pt. 3

 

Gentle and Patient reader, if you remember Jimmy and Sally were last seen being talked to by a very thin man wearing a top hat, who may not have even been a man at all, but rather a living skeleton, in the Young Adult Section of the Grove of Suicides.

You may also remember that our favorite children had been trapped for years in the afterlife due to a misunderstanding over the fundamental nature of how coupons function, a paperwork mishap, and the general slowness of the After Life Judicial System. Being dead for so long isn’t something Jimmy and Sally were used to. Yet, here they were, still dead years after they died.

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The Ruiner “Easy Way Out” Pt. 4

 

IV. Crabs in a Barrel

Home of Commander Rich Terbim, Ruiner Project Head, U.S. Army. Nov. 14, 2016 23:03 pm. Monday.   

Commander Terbim was hissing furiously into his telephone even though the party on the other end had hung up about five minutes ago. He eventually noticed this and slammed the phone back into its cradle.

That’s how all his conversations with Vincent Harris ended.

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