T.J. Washington In “Hoodoo, Hoodone, Hoodid” Pt. 4

 

IV.


My sneeze had revealed to me why Sam and I couldn’t kill Memotepp after we were finished killing Youmotepp. Well, that’s not exactly true. Truth be told, we didn’t kill Memotepp because he wasn’t there. That much was a no brainer and I already knew that. More accurately, my sneeze helped me realize why he wasn’t there to be killed in the first place.

The revelation wasn’t a very comforting one and there were parts that still made no sense, but that was no reason not to trust my instincts. My sneeze-fortified instincts were telling me Memotepp wasn’t a mummy. Nor a human. Vampire could be ruled out too, so could werewolf or a Frankenstein. Many of the other things something could be could also be safely ruled out. It definitely wasn’t a tree or a goat- probably not, definitely probably not.

My guess was that Memotepp was really a mischievous-but-not-evil, shape-shifting spirit from the fairy lands. In other words, Memotepp was Judy.

It had to be true, even though I wasn’t so keen on it being the truth. That’s the thing about things being true, they don’t care about how you feel about them, they just keep on being true in spite of your insistence that they be untrue.

I was starting to wish I had asked Youmotepp some questions before Sam and I burnt him to death just a few hours ago. By the time I had finished wishing that, Sam and I were back in Youmotepp’s office. Sometimes it’s as easy as making a wish and having it granted. It’s an unreliable hook to hang a hat on, there’s no telling when a wish might come true, but when they do…boy, do they.

Continue reading “T.J. Washington In “Hoodoo, Hoodone, Hoodid” Pt. 4″

T.J. Washington In “Hoodoo, Hoodone, Hoodid” Pt. 3

III.

After we ate, we had some coffee. It was still too late for mummy killing and too early for flamethrower returning but at least we were trying.
 
Sam and I continued talking and then got into some chit chatting, which are two different things.

“That’d be one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever heard.”
Continue reading “T.J. Washington In “Hoodoo, Hoodone, Hoodid” Pt. 3″

T.J. Washington In “Hoodoo, Hoodone, Hoodid Pt. 2

II.

I don’t really like to talk to the police. My line of work routinely requires I rent a flame thrower from someone who is over 300 years old. Also, I’m dating a pixie and I just helped my best friend murder a mummy while committing insurance fraud. Talking to the fuzz is part of the job, though. No getting around – or used- to it.

” ‘Grease fire made worse by way of mummy interference’ is my best guess officer. Near as I can figure, the mummy stumbled into the kitchen and then, well you know, everything was on fire,” Sam explained to the cop in front of him.

She was a short woman in a big hat. It was the smallest hat available (Sam made sure to ask) and it was still too big on her.

Continue reading “T.J. Washington In “Hoodoo, Hoodone, Hoodid Pt. 2”

T.J. Washington In “Hoodoo, Hoodone, Hoodid” Pt. 1

 

I.

“Put the gun down, Sam. Ain’t going to do us no good.”

“Can’t hurt.”

“I’m not saying that you shouldn’t shoot him or that it isn’t the right move to do so or even that I don’t want to shoot him myself, just saying that it won’t help.”

Sam pulled the hammer back on his .45 and rolled his eyes at me. I covered my ears and waited while I rolled my eyes at everything.

People with .45s are different from people with .38s in the same way people with .38s are different from people with .32s. People with .32s are the same as people with .22s and don’t let anyone tell you different.

Sam’s gun barked twice and spat once. A stream of embalming fluid trickled from between the man’s eyes and then there were two holes in his chest all a sudden. The wall behind him now wore his hat and most of his skull, there were no brains. Continue reading “T.J. Washington In “Hoodoo, Hoodone, Hoodid” Pt. 1″

Mo’ Mummies, Mo’ Problems Pt 4 “Conclusion”

 

IV.

I arrived at Judy’s office about ten minutes past when I would have been five minutes late.

“Sorry I’m late,” I began but didn’t finish.

“That’s ok. Hey, listen – TJ?  You should know I’m not a thumbologist.”  She confessed. She further explained: “No one is. It’s a made-up field of medicine that I made up to spend some time with you.”

Continue reading “Mo’ Mummies, Mo’ Problems Pt 4 “Conclusion””