Happy New Year! Or should I say Happy Hugh year? I think I should say Happy Hugh Year and I think I will. Happy Hugh Year to Hugh (you). There, it has been said.
Because the proprietors of this so-called “publication” chose to be lazy and take a month off instead of doing their jobs during January, you were denied my wisdom, my words, and the calming influence of my photo, which I now provide in order to soothe your frazzled nerves:
Now that you have been soothed, I can continue with my column. Because you are in a state of anxiety and stress as a result of being denied access to my word-medicine, I suggest you read it at least three times this month. In between readings relax yourself in the soul spa that is my blog.
I was going to write about New Year’s resolutions and how they are folly, then I decided to write about another topic since the time for New Year’s Resolutions has passed. Then, as I was meditating, I realized something. What I realized was personal and I am not going to share it with you, but it led me to a series of realizations, some of which I am going to share with you.
The Realizations That I have Recently Made Regarding New Year’s Resolutions that Are Fit To Share With You Even Though It Is Seemingly Too Late To Do So In A Manner That Benefits You.
Last time we met I explained how this column must evolve in order to meet both my needs as a Life Coach and your needs as an advice need-er. We agreed that the column will now be a Non-Traditional Life Altering Advice Dispersement Channel or N.T.L.A2.D.C for short instead of whatever primitive model of ancient incompetence it was prior to now.
Hello wisdom-teers. Where did 2017 go? I have been busy writing books, innovating the advice column industry, becoming a webmaster, establishing a Twitter initiative, and still finding time to meet with my paying clients.
I thought we’d take a look back on the journey we’ve shared together. Let us start at the beginning in order to avoid confusing yourself:
Greetings, fellow agents of evolution. I know that you are aware that my evolution level is higher than yours, for your safety (you’re welcome), but that should not stop me from wishing you a happy and delightful holiday season that finds you and yours full of wisdom, mushrooms, and evolution, devoid of sleep problems, and enjoying a re-invigorated love life.
As regular readers of my column, you are surely familiar with its topics.
My first gift to you this holiday season is another episode of my pod cast “The Rev. Dr. Hugo Homlesnow’s Sonic Blast of Wisdom featuring me or my underlings.” This time, on the 4th episode, Hack-Writer T. Volpone returns to butcher chapter 3 of my masterpiece “What is Wrong With You? An Introduction to What is Wrong With You?”
::::::Attention:::::: ::::::Attention::::: :::::::Powerful Announcement About to Take Place. Please grab your cleansing stones and rub your power balls.::::::::::
I, The Rev. Dr. Hugo Holmesnow, Shaman, Monk, Life-Coach, and Ultra-Violet Adult; am about to shatter your small world with one massive revelation which shall change your life forever. Again.
When I was a child, that’s all I was. I had no title(s) before my name. My parents, for the brief time I was with them, often forsook using my name in order to refer to me as “child”. I do not count that as a title.
Then, when I was 8, I was a Shaman, then after that a monk. After that, I was a Shaman-Monk. The dash was painful and difficult to acquire. But I kept my eye on the prize. After that, more things transpired and I earned the title of Life-Coach. I was soon awarded (in exchange for a small fee) the title of “Reverend Doctor”, which I shorten to “Rev. Dr.” out of modesty. After receiving all those titles, I stopped growing my name for a while in order to focus on the needs of others.