Greetings, Doomed Monkeys. It’s Uncle Mort back with another week of sundry bits. This week marks the publication of the 400th thing we’ve insisted you look at. You can tell that’s an impressive milestone because it’s a round number. Anyway, have we got a week for you! First up, the Ruiner is back and kicking off a brand new adventure. A. Wizard dropped by because he had nothing to do and wanted to tell you about it. Psamurai starts a new year off by making a bunch of new enemies and the Weekly Column About Monsters is proving to be an adequate place holder this week. All this is brought to you by our new sponsor, catering to what everyone is subconsciously aware of. Have kids and until next week, prijestolonaslijednikovica!
Greetings, Doomed Monkeys! It’s your old, well rested pal Uncle Mort, back from vacation and ready to go. This week Ray and the gang are back with another adventure in Ray #14. Jimmy and Sally are up to their old tricks in ‘The Birthday Sham.’ Stella wandered in from driving the local bird population to extinction to bring you your Stellar Forecast for the little month of February. Finally, the Page Five Ghouls are back in action and staying hungry in this week’s Page Five Ghouls. All this is brought to you by Vermont’s best kept secret vacation spot. It’s great to be back! Have fun. Menneskerettighetsorganisasjonene!
Dear Mr. Myrrh,
In the 3/17 issue of SEG you said I could tell my friend I had a skeleton for a pal. So I did. And one of the other kid’s mothers heard me and claimed it was slang for a new street drug she just made up. She said the effects were however I was behaving at the moment. She may have heard about it from the secret Oprah email list. Have you heard about this? It’s like an Infowars for concerned upper middle class moms. They don’t like you guys. Anyway, I’m going to be doing a nickel at a Scared Straight Christian boot camp for third graders. It’s built on top of a desecrated Native American holy site. Anything you could do with that?
Skeleton Crew 4 lyfe
Dear Uncle Mort,
Several years ago I bought a purple AMC Gremlin to show my peer group that there’s no father to my style. Then all of the sudden everywhere I go I’m seeing purple Gremlins. A few years later I bought a blue Ford Fiesta with opalescent finish. Then, blue Fiestas everywhere! Earlier this year I bought a fire engine red Honda CR-V with a spoiler. Now all I see are people in red CR-Vs. Why does everyone have to cop my style, yo!
They See Me Rollin’
Well you sure have a distinguished taste in cars! Why wouldn’t they want to emulate you? But, what you are experiencing is a shift in your perceptual filter. You see, our brains filter out a bulk of the stimulus we’re receiving every second. It takes what it deems necessary for whatever situation we find ourselves in, creates a model of our current reality and projects it out into the world. If it didn’t we might wind up catatonic or insane. The thing is, the red Hondas were always out there, but the stimulus was discarded by your brain as unnecessary details. That was until you bought your red Honda. You have red Hondas on the mind so you’re noticing all the red Hondas already out there. Want do a fun experiment? Look out the window for minute or two. Now write down all the blue things you remember seeing. It may be a pretty short list. Now look for all the blue things out the window. There’s an awful lot more blue out there than you thought there was! If you’re curious about what life would be like if you didn’t have perceptual filters, learn meditation, join a Sufi school or drop some LSD. It may also help with your narcissism and paranoia.
Greetings, Doomed Monkeys, it’s old Uncle back with a whole month of reruns. That’s right we’re going on vacation. We’ll be back on February 3rd and pretend like nothing ever happened. But until then enjoy a blast from the past from the first season. Before we sold out. See you next month. Until then, eunoia!