Jimmy Jam, Sally Slam and The Rude Awakening Pt. 6

The Rude Awakening Pt. VI

“King me, Magus,” Sally said while pushing one of her red checkers to the end of Grand Father’s side of the board. Grand Father complied with a smile. He wasn’t even trying to lose on purpose, Sally just had a gift with checkers.

Jimmy was sitting on the couch watching cartoons and eating potato chips after having been eliminated from the checkers tournament three games ago. He failed to notice an opportunity to double-jump Sally and as a consequence ended up squaring off against four kings who had backed his remaining pieces into a corner. He never stood a chance.

All three were dressed in their formal robes and had spent the past two and a half days playing games and being lazy. Not the usual kind of lazy, but rather the well earned, justified sort of lazy that happens every once in a while if one is lucky.

Meanwhile back at Jimmy and Sally’s houses, their Parents had been asleep for the past two and a half days. They weren’t sleeping out of laziness but rather as a side effect of the counter-Whammy Jimmy’s Grand Father and the Spirit of Jimmy’s Grand Mother had placed upon them. While they slept each Parent was visited by the spirit of Jimmy’s Grand Mother who explained to them, one by one, how they had crossed the line by placing a Whammy on their children instead of parenting them.

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Jimmy Jam, Sally Slam and The Rude Awakening Pt. 5

The Rude Awakening V.

“Jimmy, Sally, do either of you know who put the Whammy on you?”

“Yes, our parents did it,” Sally answered.

“Right. Do you know the only way to break a Whammy like this?”

Neither Sally nor Jimmy knew the answer to Grand Father’s question. They hadn’t given much thought to breaking the Whammy over the past few days. At first, all they wanted was vengeance. When they realized that wasn’t going to be a helpful course of action, they sort of forgot about it because of all the fun they were having at Tiger Tail Resort.

Now it was after dinner and water sliding. Dessert was over. The children were bathed, filled to the brim with food, and dressed in their pajamas. They sat cross-legged on the floor in front of Jimmy’s Grand Father. Gustav was playing cards in the adjoining room, while secretly listening at the connecting door when he could. He didn’t listen too much though. After all, he wasn’t trying to be rude, just well informed.

Grandfather poured himself a cup of tea before saying, “Your parents have to die in order for the Whammy to break. I’m afraid there’s no other way.”

“Okay,” Sally said.

“For how long? Like a few days?” Jimmy added.

When Gustav heard the calm, eerie, acceptance the children had just shown, he fell off his seat in the other room, making a thumping sound.

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Jimmy Jam & Sally Slam In “Halloween: Special Ops”

October 29th

It was a beautiful fall day. Some trees had leaves left on them still, while others did not. It was getting colder, but it wasn’t cold yet. The smell of burning leaves mixed with the odors of the last of the year’s BBQs during the evenings, which were coming sooner and sooner every day. When the sun got around to setting, it had extra purple bits in it, no one knew why, but they didn’t need to in order to enjoy it.

Sally was sitting on her front stoop carving a pumpkin with a steak knife. She was halfway through the second eye when Jimmy came up her walkway.

“Hey Sally, you stupid bitch. What kind of dumbass thing are you doing?”

“Suck my dick Jimmy, you soul-less piece of shit.”

“Hey now, those are big words for such a little whore. Where did you learn them? Bitch School?”

“That’s exactly what an uneducated twat-waffle such as yourself would say,” Sally spat back, her eyes gleaming with joy.

“Takes one to know one you ignorant slut.”

“Your mom fucked my dad and my dad told my mom your mom’s a dead fish.”

“What does that even mean?”

“I’m not sure. I heard my cousin say something like that about his girlfriend.”

“You have weird cousins, dick-breath.”

“You don’t know the half of it, cock-sucker.”

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Jimmy Jam, Sally Slam and The Rude Awakening Pt. 4

The Rude Awakening IV.

Gentle reader, it is my duty to inform you that this particular installment of The Adventures of Jimmy Jam is even more unsuited for children than usual. We’ve discussed the nature of Whammies and why they should never be used as a substitute for parenting, but I feel we have neglected to address the specific nature of Whammy Breaking.

To put it simply without sugar coating things, in order to break the Whammy, Jimmy’s and Sally’s parents must die. Now, due to the nature of magic and magical people, death isn’t always as final a thing as it seems to the non-magical. Still, dead parents are dead parents and there is little reason to find joy in such a situation. It is a well-known fact that even children who are estranged from their parents feel just as bad about the passing of their parents as a child with good parental relations. No matter how one feels about their parents, it tends to change once they are gone forever from their lives.

When we last saw our group of Whammy Breakers, they were headed into Tiger Tail Resort, an indoor water-park/luxury hotel geared towards children under the age of ten. Jimmy’s Grandfather and his good friend Gustav took Jimmy and Sally there to ride out the Whammy breaking and to give them a good and proper talking to about their behavior, but neither Jimmy nor Sally knew anything about that. Yet.

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05 Jimmy Jam, Sally Slam and The Rude Awakening Pt. 3

The Rude Awakening III

The ride to Tiger Tail Resort was about 60 minutes in adult time. For Jimmy and Sally it felt like exactly 143 minutes. Because of their unfinished brains, high metabolisms, unmitigated curiosity, and unbridled enthusiasm, children are often subject to time warps, slow-downs, speed-ups, and spontaneous bouts of time travel which makes going anywhere with them something of an inconvenience for everyone, big and small, involved.

There are ways to ease the discomfort of children in transit, but many of them involve seeing things from the perspective of a child and trying to understand their point of view. Sadly, these are not popular methods with many modern parents who prefer demanding and ordering their children over understanding them.

Jimmy and Sally were so excited over going to Tiger Tail Resort that they seemed to be full of jumping beans and couldn’t sit still or be quiet without great difficulty. Jimmy’s Grandfather knew this and expected neither quiet nor stillness from either of the children. The little chatter-boxes rattled of a non-stop list off questions that would have exhausted even the most patient parent.

Only a grandparent could hope to live through such an onslaught of queries while retaining their sanity.

A partial list of those questions lies below:

“How did you make my coat appear?”

“How long until the whammy is broken?”

“Can I pee on the side of the road?”

“I wanna pee outside too.”

“Is Tiger Tail Resort really where we’re going?”

“I don’t have to pee anymore.”

“What’s that?”

“Why’s that?”

“Are we there yet?”

“There’s something in Jimmy’s eye.”

“Does Mom know?”

“What about Dad, does he know?”

“Do we get to go on all the rides?”

“How much ice cream can I eat?”

“Will breaking the Whammy hurt?”

“Does everyone get to be a ghost?”

“How many dogs have you owned?”

“How much magic is there?”

“Can I get a hat like the driver has?”

“Am I a witch?”

“I’m thirsty?”

“Is growing up worth it?”

“Is being old fun?”

“What are taxes?”

“What are faxes?”

“Are faxes like taxes?”

“Why do they sound the same then?”

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