Mystical Merwin Psychic Pet, Pet Psychic June 2017

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Hey Merwin,
Why do cats sleep all day and then wake up at 3 am…. and well, what do they do? Can’t they do it during the day and sleep at night?

M.L. in OH

Dear M.L.,
The reason for this is simple. At 3 a.m a shift in the Earth’s energy field takes place. Many humans can feel this shift and wake up during it. Some of you have even named this time “Midnight for the Soul”, which is a bit over dramatic, if you ask me.

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Straight From The Fridge June 2017

Last time we met I explained how this column must evolve in order to meet both my needs as a Life Coach and your needs as an advice need-er. We agreed that the column will now be a Non-Traditional Life Altering Advice Dispersement Channel or N.T.L.A2.D.C for short instead of whatever primitive model of ancient incompetence it was prior to now.

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Mystical Merwin Psychic Pet, Pet Psychic

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Hi Merwin!
I don’t have a pet or a question. My mom says I’m irresponsible. We’ll see.
I just wanted you to know that I drew a picture of you wearing Uncle Mort’s Hat. I also put a dollar from my mom’s purse in the envelope.

Thanks for helping me understand what it’s like to have a pet!

Tyrone

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Straight From The Fridge May 2017

 

To My Readers,

You may have recently noticed a slight dip in the quality of my normally high quality wisdom. I assure you that this has nothing to do with the recent allegations against me that you may or may not have heard about. I am not going to tell you about the so-called allegations. That would do my reputation no good. Remember, you should not be concerned about my personal life, your personal life is in no shape to judge another “normal” person, let alone a life-coach of my stature.

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Letters to the Editor

Dear Mr. Myrrh,

In the 3/17 issue of SEG you said I could tell my friend I had a skeleton for a pal. So I did. And one of the other kid’s mothers heard me and claimed it was slang for a new street drug she just made up. She said the effects were however I was behaving at the moment. She may have heard about it from the secret Oprah email list. Have you heard about this? It’s like an Infowars for concerned upper middle class moms. They don’t like you guys. Anyway, I’m going to be doing a nickel at a Scared Straight Christian boot camp for third graders. It’s built on top of a desecrated Native American holy site. Anything you could do with that?

Skeleton Crew 4 lyfe

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