Straight From The Fridge August 2017

Greetings unevolved, non-Ultra Violet Adult souls and troubled readers. I, the Rev. Dr. Hugo Holmesnow am back with the first installment of my new and life threatening changing MK Ultra Violet System For Mass Healing On A Global Scale.

As you surely remember, last time I used this column to announce that I discovered that I am the first of the next generation of human evolution. I have surpassed Indigo, Crystal, and Rainbow children and have become an “Ultra Violet Adult”. I also made many promises about how this revelation about myself will enable me to heal you on a massive scale never before seen in this dimension. I do not plan on disappointing you.

As I’m sure you will be happy to know, I have spent this past month eagerly exploring my new, superior, Ultra Violet Adult body in many, many places. Sometimes I performed my explorations in public without anyone noticing. One time I explored myself to my satisfaction on the steps of the public library, and another time while in line at the grocery store and the unenlightened Non-Ultraviolet around me did not notice anything unusual. The most satisfying of all was my exploration in the local post office. They will think twice before they mess with me again.

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Letters to the Editor

Dear Uncle Mort,

Several years ago I bought a purple AMC Gremlin to show my peer group that there’s no father to my style. Then all of the sudden everywhere I go I’m seeing purple Gremlins. A few years later I bought a blue Ford Fiesta with opalescent finish. Then, blue Fiestas everywhere! Earlier this year I bought a fire engine red Honda CR-V with a spoiler. Now all I see are people in red CR-Vs. Why does everyone have to cop my style, yo!

 

They See Me Rollin’

 

Dear Rollin’

 

Well you sure have a distinguished taste in cars! Why wouldn’t they want to emulate you? But, what you are experiencing is a shift in your perceptual filter. You see, our brains filter out a bulk of the stimulus we’re receiving every second. It takes what it deems necessary for whatever situation we find ourselves in, creates a model of our current reality and projects it out into the world. If it didn’t we might wind up catatonic or insane. The thing is, the red Hondas were always out there, but the stimulus was discarded by your brain as unnecessary details. That was until you bought your red Honda. You have red Hondas on the mind so you’re noticing all the red Hondas already out there. Want do a fun experiment? Look out the window for minute or two. Now write down all the blue things you remember seeing. It may be a pretty short list. Now look for all the blue things out the window. There’s an awful lot more blue out there than you thought there was! If you’re curious about what life would be like if you didn’t have perceptual filters, learn meditation, join a Sufi school or drop some LSD. It may also help with your narcissism and paranoia.

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Mystical Merwin Psychic Pet, Pet Psychic July 2017

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Dear Merwin,
I think my neighbors cat might be a terrorist. I’ve convinced myself that this cat is a member of that religion that every one hates and is afraid of now a days and I won’t be changing my mind about that any time soon. Lately he received over 30 packages of bang snaps. I feel he’s planning something, possibly something big. What should I do?

Gertrude in New York

Dear Gertrude,
I spoke to Hans, the cat in question. We had a nice chat in the Catstral Plane about how irritating it is when people don’t mind their own business. Hans comes from along line of Lutherans and is confused about why you thought he was Muslim. Is it because of the color of his fur? It’s not even black, you monster.

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Straight From The Fridge July 2017

:::::Attention!::::Big News Regarding the Future of humanity!::::Breaking News!::::

::::We Interrupt Your Personal Growth and Healing to Announce A Better Way For Me To Facilitate Your Personal Growth And Healing!::::

The Disgrace of The Indigo, Crystal, and Rainbow Child Movement

Are you or someone you know an Indigo, Crystal, or a Rainbow Child? I used to think I was all of those all at once, but I have seen through my ignorance. I cannot believe I functioned under the delusion that I was somehow special because I was something as common as an Indigo/Crystal/Rainbow Child.

I, too, can be wrong sometimes. It does not happen often but I am strong enough to admit my errors. You know this about me, as I have just revealed it to you. This is not all I’m about to reveal to you.

Continue reading and revelations will happen…

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Mystical Merwin Psychic Pet, Pet Psychic June 2017

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Hey Merwin,
Why do cats sleep all day and then wake up at 3 am…. and well, what do they do? Can’t they do it during the day and sleep at night?

M.L. in OH

Dear M.L.,
The reason for this is simple. At 3 a.m a shift in the Earth’s energy field takes place. Many humans can feel this shift and wake up during it. Some of you have even named this time “Midnight for the Soul”, which is a bit over dramatic, if you ask me.

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