Guess what time it is, Doomed Monkeys! It’s time for another round on me. On tonight’s menu we have another enchanting adventure of Jimmy Jam and Sally Slam. Sacrifices are made in this month’s thrilling episode of Ray. Stella’s here to get your month started off right with her Stellar Forecast, and as always the Page Five Ghouls are battling back with this week’s offering. All this is brought to you by the latest e-book setting Kindles on fire with the new scorcher from Alexis Steele, author of Dinosaur Carried In My Groceries and Muscle Bound Day Care Attendants. So until, next time, kiddos: Armadillidiidae!
Jimmy and Sally continued their enchanted walk to school. It wasn’t enchanted in the sense that it was extra pleasant or especially beautiful. It wasn’t enchanted in the romantic sense, with hand holding and the kind of promise-making that ends in kissing.
The walk was enchanted simply because Jimmy and Sally were under the influence of a magic spell. A rather sinister enchantment cast by their parents which was meant to force their children to behave. That’s the only reason why it was an enchanted walk. Sometimes, it’s as simple as that.
If you know something about enchantments, then maybe you know that enchanted people walk a little funnier than those who are not the victims of magical manipulations. It’s easy to spot if you know what to look for. There’s usually a little bit of an odd twinkle in the eye. What makes the twinkle odd is that it doesn’t look like it belongs there or to them. It looks like someone else’s eye twinkle got stuck in there and doesn’t know how to get out.
They also tend to tilt a little bit to the left, not too much, just enough to look a little extra off. Like they’re walking two seconds to the left and slightly behind the rest of the world. No one really knows why the tilting happens. It’s just always been that way.
The walk to school was nearly half way over and Sally had seen no sign of the help Jimmy promised.
“What’s the deal, Jimmy? Who’s going to help us break this whammy so we can be bad again? My guilt glands are all swelled up and all I feel like doing is chores and homework. I’m starting to forget how nice it feels to stab someone.”
“That’s gross, Sally. I’m not feeling right either. I just to want to help old ladies cross the street and wear whatever my mom tells me to.”
“Eww, that’s the worst. We have to stop this now before I end up in nursing school.”
“Don’t worry, it’s just around the corner.”
“Where are we going? Junk By Jake’s?”
We Gotta Get Out Of This Place
Hugh brought Ray, Abby, Bart, and Cletus to Father Victor’s audience chamber. Despite the high flown designation, the audience chamber was just another dreary, masonry-walled affair. Much like any other room in the cold, stone catacombs where Father Victor and his zealots took up residence save for that fact that it was much larger and was split in half by a round, black pool of still water. Even the copious torches lining room could reveal nothing beneath the surface. A wooden walkway extended the diameter, connecting the two sides of the room. Father Victor sat in a wooden chair that was set upon a raised dias. A line of white robed priests stood below him. More priests were lined along the walls.
Bart was the first to enter, leading the bound Hugh by the neck. Ray followed. His features looked sharp in the glaring torchlight. The reflected fire made his black, saucer-shaped eyes look as if they had flames roaring inside and his claws like burning embers. Even the staunchest Pollyanna would be hard pressed not to take him for a demon. The smirky scowl didn’t help. Abby followed next, making Ray’s scowl look like a delighted child. Cletus shuffled in behind.
Father Victor looked at them askance, then broke his silence, “Hey, that’s my dagger.”
“Where is my boy?” Bart growled. He kicked Hugh on the back of his legs, forcing him to his knees and poked the dagger toward Hugh’s eye.
“You heard me.”
“About that tall?” Victor held his hand out, “Brown hair, can’t get him to shut up?
Bart grunted and jostled Hugh.
“Yeah, we have one of those,” Victor snapped and a priest snapped into a jog out the side of the room.
The priest returned a moment later leading Pietro.
Meanwhile, Oberon the Other Side
Byline: Gary Llewellyn
Dateline: August 5th, 2017
I’ve got legions of invisible demons following me across an open, rolling field. Baal, the first king of Hell has offered to be my general and we’re squaring off against the Fae King and swarms of livid, spear-weirding fairies. I wrote a comic book about this when I was fifteen. The fairies were waiting for us when we got here. How they knew where and when to find us is beyond me, but blaming Stolas will satisfy my need to assign blame, for the time being, so I can concentrate on my current predicament.
The fairies were a disciplined unit, lined up in tight formations. Demons are far more chaotic, more akin to berkerers. The Fae King was mounted on a saddled fox, decked out in warrior king armor, the leaf shaped blade on the end of his spear was gleaming in the sun. Baal looked like an idiot, with his sable lined cape and a crown on each of his heads. Baal skittered up to the invisible line we all seem to have agreed on.
“Oberon,” he bellowed.
“Baal,” the Fae King responded and paused, “We know they’re there, Baal.”
“You know what’s there?”
Oberon sighed and turned his fox around and faced his army, “Artillery. Stardust.”