T.J. Washington In “Hoodoo, Hoodone, Hoodid” Pt. 4

 

IV.


My sneeze had revealed to me why Sam and I couldn’t kill Memotepp after we were finished killing Youmotepp. Well, that’s not exactly true. Truth be told, we didn’t kill Memotepp because he wasn’t there. That much was a no brainer and I already knew that. More accurately, my sneeze helped me realize why he wasn’t there to be killed in the first place.

The revelation wasn’t a very comforting one and there were parts that still made no sense, but that was no reason not to trust my instincts. My sneeze-fortified instincts were telling me Memotepp wasn’t a mummy. Nor a human. Vampire could be ruled out too, so could werewolf or a Frankenstein. Many of the other things something could be could also be safely ruled out. It definitely wasn’t a tree or a goat- probably not, definitely probably not.

My guess was that Memotepp was really a mischievous-but-not-evil, shape-shifting spirit from the fairy lands. In other words, Memotepp was Judy.

It had to be true, even though I wasn’t so keen on it being the truth. That’s the thing about things being true, they don’t care about how you feel about them, they just keep on being true in spite of your insistence that they be untrue.

I was starting to wish I had asked Youmotepp some questions before Sam and I burnt him to death just a few hours ago. By the time I had finished wishing that, Sam and I were back in Youmotepp’s office. Sometimes it’s as easy as making a wish and having it granted. It’s an unreliable hook to hang a hat on, there’s no telling when a wish might come true, but when they do…boy, do they.

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Jimmy Jam, Sally Slam and The Rude Awakening Pt. 2

 

II.

Jimmy and Sally continued their enchanted walk to school. It wasn’t enchanted in the sense that it was extra pleasant or especially beautiful. It wasn’t enchanted in the romantic sense, with hand holding and the kind of promise-making that ends in kissing.

The walk was enchanted simply because Jimmy and Sally were under the influence of a magic spell. A rather sinister enchantment cast by their parents which was meant to force their children to behave. That’s the only reason why it was an enchanted walk. Sometimes, it’s as simple as that.

If you know something about enchantments, then maybe you know that enchanted people walk a little funnier than those who are not the victims of magical manipulations. It’s easy to spot if you know what to look for. There’s usually a little bit of an odd twinkle in the eye. What makes the twinkle odd is that it doesn’t look like it belongs there or to them. It looks like someone else’s eye twinkle got stuck in there and doesn’t know how to get out.

They also tend to tilt a little bit to the left, not too much, just enough to look a little extra off. Like they’re walking two seconds to the left and slightly behind the rest of the world. No one really knows why the tilting happens. It’s just always been that way.

The walk to school was nearly half way over and Sally had seen no sign of the help Jimmy promised.

“What’s the deal, Jimmy? Who’s going to help us break this whammy so we can be bad again? My guilt glands are all swelled up and all I feel like doing is chores and homework. I’m starting to forget how nice it feels to stab someone.”

“That’s gross, Sally. I’m not feeling right either. I just to want to help old ladies cross the street and wear whatever my mom tells me to.”

“Eww, that’s the worst. We have to stop this now before I end up in nursing school.”

“Don’t worry, it’s just around the corner.”

“Where are we going? Junk By Jake’s?”

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The Ruiner “Easy Way Out” Pt. 6

Pt. VI Let’s Go Down to the Lobby

“Bullshit! That’s not the sound a breaking skull makes,” Harris yelled at the screen, spilling the popcorn he was holding but not eating. He turned to Agent 34, who was sitting next to him and continued, “Can you believe this shit? Doesn’t anyone in Hollywood do any research? Goddamn morons.”

Agent 34 was speechless. She didn’t want to go to the movies in the first place even though Harris offered to pay for the tickets and buy her snacks. She didn’t think it was the right move considering both of their bosses just tried to kill them and presumably still wanted them dead. She protested the suggestion but when he pressed for a better alternative as to the proper course of action, she came up with goose eggs.

So they went to the movies.

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T.J. Washington In “Hoodoo, Hoodone, Hoodid” Pt. 3

III.

After we ate, we had some coffee. It was still too late for mummy killing and too early for flamethrower returning but at least we were trying.
 
Sam and I continued talking and then got into some chit chatting, which are two different things.

“That’d be one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever heard.”
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Jimmy Jam, Sally Slam and the Rude Awakening Pt. 1

 

Last time we saw Jimmy and Sally, Sally had just woken up in the middle of the night and discovered that their extended stay in the Grove of L’il Suicides was nothing but a dream. As it turns out, they didn’t spend a lifetime in the after life. Nor did they eventually return to earth and fall in love. However, their parents were still fed up with what horrible children they were and both Jimmy’s Wizard Uncle and Sally’s Aunt Witch took vows to never bring them back from the dead again.

Jimmy had the same dream Sally did. He too, woke up crying but didn’t call out for comfort. If he did, he was afraid he’d lose the fear he spent years instilling in his mother and second dad. If word got out that he cried over a dream- no matter how terrifying a dream it was- his reputation as coolest kid in town would be tarnished forever. So he sucked it up and chewed on his pillow until he fell back asleep.

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