Mystical Merwin Psychic Pet, Pet Psychic August 2017

Dear Merwin,

My sister Sue Sally drinks all day and stopped taking care of her baby goat, Marcus. The court gave me custody of him even though I don’t know anything about goats. I love Marcus like he was my own baby goat and even dress him up in pajamas and overalls (but not both at once- he hates that). Also, I let him climb up on whatever he wants, but I don’t think that I’m doing enough to take care of him.

Can you please ask him if he’s happy with me? While I enjoy his company, it’s more important that he is happy and properly cared for.

Thanks,
Sally Sue in Hoboken

Dear Sally Sue,

First, allow me to congratulate you for stepping in and cleaning up your sister’s mess. Drunken goat owners have brought so much destruction to the world already; I’m glad you were able to prevent another disaster before it happened.

Secondly, I spoke with Marcus. Please stop dressing him in the overalls with the boat on them and let him wear the overalls with the rocket ships all over them more often. He feels they allow him to jump higher, and as you must know by now, goats love jumping.

Marcus is as happy as he can be, considering he’s being raised by the wrong species in the wrong environment. He informed me that you do an excellent job of feeding him (he especially likes the Tuesday Tin Can Buffet by the way) and making sure he stays healthy. While he may not seem to appreciate daily visits to the vet’s office, he knows they are
important and will help him grow up to be a healthy adult goat.

And now we come to the problem. Marcus is not, nor does he intend to be, an inside goat. Marcus, like most- if not all- goats, needs to be mostly outside. He’s happy to stay with you until he’s about 8 inches taller than he is now. After that, he’ll need to live on a farm or get a job so he can move out.

Good Luck!
Merwin

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Mystical Merwin Psychic Pet, Pet Psychic July 2017

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Dear Merwin,
I think my neighbors cat might be a terrorist. I’ve convinced myself that this cat is a member of that religion that every one hates and is afraid of now a days and I won’t be changing my mind about that any time soon. Lately he received over 30 packages of bang snaps. I feel he’s planning something, possibly something big. What should I do?

Gertrude in New York

Dear Gertrude,
I spoke to Hans, the cat in question. We had a nice chat in the Catstral Plane about how irritating it is when people don’t mind their own business. Hans comes from along line of Lutherans and is confused about why you thought he was Muslim. Is it because of the color of his fur? It’s not even black, you monster.

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Mystical Merwin Psychic Pet, Pet Psychic June 2017

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Hey Merwin,
Why do cats sleep all day and then wake up at 3 am…. and well, what do they do? Can’t they do it during the day and sleep at night?

M.L. in OH

Dear M.L.,
The reason for this is simple. At 3 a.m a shift in the Earth’s energy field takes place. Many humans can feel this shift and wake up during it. Some of you have even named this time “Midnight for the Soul”, which is a bit over dramatic, if you ask me.

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Mystical Merwin Psychic Pet, Pet Psychic

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Hi Merwin!
I don’t have a pet or a question. My mom says I’m irresponsible. We’ll see.
I just wanted you to know that I drew a picture of you wearing Uncle Mort’s Hat. I also put a dollar from my mom’s purse in the envelope.

Thanks for helping me understand what it’s like to have a pet!

Tyrone

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Mystical Merwin Psychic Pet, Pet Psychic

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Dear Merwin,

I’ve moved to a new city, and would like to host a party for all of the new cat friends I’ve made in my new apartment building. I already plan to have the Scrabble board all set up, and if things get slow, I’ve got an important Word doc I could try to work on. Do you have any good recipe ideas?Thanks in advance!
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