Happy New Year! Or should I say Happy Hugh year? I think I should say Happy Hugh Year and I think I will. Happy Hugh Year to Hugh (you). There, it has been said.
Because the proprietors of this so-called “publication” chose to be lazy and take a month off instead of doing their jobs during January, you were denied my wisdom, my words, and the calming influence of my photo, which I now provide in order to soothe your frazzled nerves:
Now that you have been soothed, I can continue with my column. Because you are in a state of anxiety and stress as a result of being denied access to my word-medicine, I suggest you read it at least three times this month. In between readings relax yourself in the soul spa that is my blog.
I was going to write about New Year’s resolutions and how they are folly, then I decided to write about another topic since the time for New Year’s Resolutions has passed. Then, as I was meditating, I realized something. What I realized was personal and I am not going to share it with you, but it led me to a series of realizations, some of which I am going to share with you.
The Realizations That I have Recently Made Regarding New Year’s Resolutions that Are Fit To Share With You Even Though It Is Seemingly Too Late To Do So In A Manner That Benefits You.
The first thing I realized is that January is the wrong month to address the topic of NYRs. Why is this? It is because you have already made your NYRs during the Yule season as a response to the inner guilt you felt while enjoying yourself.
Instead of dissolving this interior resistance to joy, many-if-not-all-of-you fed it with every extra sip of drink, every bite of holiday food, and every second of being in the company of people who bring you joy, and then as a knee-jerk reaction to your perceived transgressions swore to not do it again.
Hollow promise after hollow promise was made to diet or to attend night classes in how to care for oneself, and plans were made to attend gyms and spinning classes, weren’t they?
Perhaps books were bought and special online subscription services were subscribed to under the illusion that earning a certificate in a made up discipline taught by an unqualified “expert” will contain and bestow upon you all the knowledge and rewarding experiences as described by the so-called expert’s website and a false understanding that this will lead to an effortless change in lifestyle habits and mental thought patterns, weren’t they?
Much money, time, and emotional resources were wasted trying to punish yourself for allowing yourself to feel joy during a season that is dedicated to feeling joy, wasn’t it?
Is it no wonder that your gym membership card gathers mold in your wallet? Is it difficult to understand why your new journal and special journal writing fountain pen gather dust at the bottom of your expensive ivory inlaid journal holding hand-made rosewood box? Is it?
It should not be, but I bet it is.
The second realization that I made and am willing to share regarding NYRs was that I realized I must allow you to fail at the resolutions you have already planned and attempted before your mind would be open to my realizations. This is why I withheld my column from you last month. It would have done you no good at the time. You were far too lost in the maze of your lies.
My final realization I realized is that you are in need of more help that can be squeezed into this column. You need the kind of help that you are used to. The kind that comes as lessons to your email box at regular intervals. This is the help that I am preparing to offer you. If you want to solve ALL of your inner issues, then why not sign up for my upcoming free course “How to Solve ALL Of Your Inner Issues In 5 Steps That Are Emailed To You For Your Convenience.”? These emails will contain surefire ways to SOLVE all of your problems before they finish destroying all you love.
SIGN UP NOW BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE (IF IT IS NOT ALREADY)!
The Rev.Dr. Hugo Holmesnow has traveled the planet in a quest to dilute the wisdom teachings of ancient cultures so they are safe enough for common men and women everywhere to purchase and misuse.
His mystic training began at the age of four when he was accidentally left behind in the jungle while on a family vacation. Through a series of unlikely events he was eventually adopted by the local natives and trained to be a tribal shaman. After many years, Dr. Holmesnow left the familiarity and safety of the jungle to search for his family.
When he did not find them he climbed a mountain and was nearly killed in the process. The local mystic monks from the ancient monastery found him and nursed him back to health. This near death experience led him to conclude that there was more to life than what he learned from his shaman jungle training. He then began to immerse himself in the ancient mystical practices of the mountain monks. After many years he mastered them and returned to civilization. Forever changed, eternally superior.
Several weeks later he was no longer Hugo Holmesnow, son of incompetent parents. He was and is now The Rev. Dr. Holmesnow, certified life coach and inventor of the “Better Than You Superior Life Coaching System”. This system provides proven methods and techniques that are part of an overall method which contains the strategies that you need to excel, advance, achieve, attain, reach and conquer your dreams, goals, fears, hopes and desires.
In addition to creating a system of self-improvement, Holmesnow is the author of “What is Wrong With You? An Introduction to What is Wrong With You” and “Conquer Your Dreams: Defeat Your Dreams and Accomplish Your Goals”. Both are available now at Amazon in paperback and e-book formats.