There’s a squirrel that always comes right up to me and sits on my shoe and stares into my eyes for hours. Is there anything that I need to do about this? It’s been going on for about 4 months now. I’m not sure he (or she) qualifies as a pet, but if anyone can help me out, it’s you.
Selena in West Eastboro
Have you fed it? If so, that’s enough for it to count as a pet legally in most places. I took a journey into the ether in order to search for this squirrel and discuss its intentions with it, but was unable to find the slightest trace of its energy signature. I’ve sent this news up the ladder to the proper authorities. I only hope they get it in time. If you haven’t fed it, I urge you not to. If you have, you might want to get your affairs in order. This could be serious business with far-reaching consequences or it could be silly squirrel stuff. There’s really no way to tell without performing a detailed analysis of each of your brains.
Thanks for alerting me and stay on your toes, it might be a little “nutty” out there until this is all worked out.
My life coach told me that he has been to the Catstral Plane, even though everyone knows that humans are not allowed there. He also tried to talk me out of seeing my regular pet psychic and said I could rely on him to provide everything my cat, Robert, and myself need, as far as advice and life-coachy/psychic stuff goes. I’m pretty sure he’d fall short at providing things like shelter and happiness.
Is it true? Can some humans enter the Castral Plane even though they are not pets?
Rodger in East Westboro
No. Humans CANNOT enter the Castral Plane, even though some of them are pets. People already have a place for this type of stuff, it’s called “The Astral Plane” and while similar it is completely different.
If your life-coach is going on and on about being some kind of special version of humankind’s next evolutionary step and babbling about being “An Ultra-Violet Adult”, he’s definitely nuts. This guy I’m thinking of tried to get into the Castral Plane a few weeks ago wearing a cheap Halloween cat costume. Some people.
I wouldn’t worry about this goofball too much, but I would start looking around for another life-coach, or maybe just get it together and start acting like an adult on your own.
I went out drinking last night and when I woke up this morning, I noticed my pet bunny was missing.
Any idea where he went?
Sam in North Southton
You left him at O’Snaps. This happens just about every Thursday. The bartenders are aware that this happens to you often and built Snuggles a little spot in the back, next to the leprechaun. Snuggles gets on very well with Larry the Leprechaun and thinks you’ve been taking him to sleepover parties on purpose instead of taking him to the bar in order to impress the ladies and forgetting him after the 3rd shot of blackberry brandy. I’d let him keep thinking that if I were you.
Why do cats love to make an adorable nuisance of themselves when us people are trying to do things like our homework or read a book?
Wendy in West Southton
Cats love to eat human thoughts. It’s better than bacon to us. Whenever you’re concentrating or focusing, your bio-electric energy becomes delicious and we can’t help ourselves. We are often compelled to stand between you and the object of your interest and act like a bit of a crazy weirdo (we know how we do) in order to absorb as much of those sweet thought rays as we can.
I hope that helps. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I think I hear someone sitting down to do their taxes.
As Always, I Remain,
Merwin Smith has been a professional psychic pet his entire life. Even though he realized his gifts at an early age, he didn’t start pet psychic-ing professionally until 20 years ago.
He quickly became the darling of the pet psychic scene and was one of the most requested readers at “The Psychic Pet Pet Psychic Shack”.
If you have a question about your pet, you can email Merwin at: firstname.lastname@example.org