::::::Attention:::::: ::::::Attention::::: :::::::Powerful Announcement About to Take Place. Please grab your cleansing stones and rub your power balls.::::::::::
I, The Rev. Dr. Hugo Holmesnow, Shaman, Monk, Life-Coach, and Ultra-Violet Adult; am about to shatter your small world with one massive revelation which shall change your life forever. Again.
When I was a child, that’s all I was. I had no title(s) before my name. My parents, for the brief time I was with them, often forsook using my name in order to refer to me as “child”. I do not count that as a title.
Then, when I was 8, I was a Shaman, then after that a monk. After that, I was a Shaman-Monk. The dash was painful and difficult to acquire. But I kept my eye on the prize. After that, more things transpired and I earned the title of Life-Coach. I was soon awarded (in exchange for a small fee) the title of “Reverend Doctor”, which I shorten to “Rev. Dr.” out of modesty. After receiving all those titles, I stopped growing my name for a while in order to focus on the needs of others.
When I thought that, perhaps, my title acquisition phase had completed itself and I would not grow any more titles, I became-to my shock and surprise- an Ultra-Violet Adult.
I swore to gain no more titles. “I am already intimidating enough as it is, I do not need more titles and credentials,” I thought.
I was wrong.
There is (at least) one more title the Universe has chosen to bestow upon me:
Yes, it is true. I have designed my own website. You may now allow the URL to enter you:
Here are a few screenshots to entice you:
Here is a screenshot of the impressive amount of visitors that have already visited my website www.youareyourfault.com:
Here is a screenshot of the stats for this website:
We can all see what is happening here.
What will happen to you when you visit my new site www.youareyourfault.com?
- You will be inspired by inspiring memes.
- You will be able to read past editions of this column on a different domain name.
- You will be given the opportunity to purchase my books.
- You can read my bio.
- You can sign up for my mailing list.
- Read my Tweets in a fancy sidebar (@revdrhugo).
You shouldn’t mind that you can do all of those things right here, on this website. You should go to the new one. Fewer skeletons.
In case you missed it, the audio version of my book “What is Wrong With You? An Introduction To What Is Wrong With You.” As read by me or my underlings appeared on my podcast:
That is not all for today, we haven’t even started the true part of the column. You have heard about and were exposed to my greatness, but you have yet to bask in my wisdom. It is time to bask, let us get right to it. I do not wish to keep you waiting.
What You Have Been Waiting For (Wisdom)
Many of you are poor or lack the necessary money to pay for basic needs. Until now, this has meant that you were denied the professional help of psychologists,psychiatrists, and life coaches.
I am here to tell you that this is not the case any longer.
I am going to bestow upon you a secret that big mental health doesn’t want you to have. The secret is this:
You do not need fancy, expensive, well-educated people to help you solve your problems.
You only need the ability to imagine what a fancy, expensive, well-educated person would say to you in order to help you solve your problems.
Yes, you have heard what I first wrote and you have later read.
Every single mental health profession, mine included, is unneeded. You can solve your own problems with this one simple trick:
The One Simple Trick That Will Solve All Your Problems
Instead of visiting a psychologist, a psychiatrist, or a life-coach, you simply imagine that you have visited a psychologist, a psychiatrist, or a life-coach.
It can be that simple if you can let it be that simple.
In lieu of seeking actual help, you can use the power of your imagination to bypass the need for professional intervention. It is simple. Here is how:
1. Admit that you need professional help.
2. Decide that you would rather do it yourself.
3. Using your imagination, SEE yourself in the office of your preferred mental health professional.
4. Tell them what is troubling you.
5. Listen to what you would think they would say.
6. Do that.
It’s that easy! It does not even need any further clarification.
I will leave you to repair yourself.
The Rev.Dr. Hugo Holmesnow has traveled the planet in a quest to dilute the wisdom teachings of ancient cultures so they are safe enough for common men and women everywhere to purchase and misuse.
His mystic training began at the age of four when he was accidentally left behind in the jungle while on a family vacation. Through a series of unlikely events he was eventually adopted by the local natives and trained to be a tribal shaman. After many years, Dr. Holmesnow left the familiarity and safety of the jungle to search for his family.
When he did not find them he climbed a mountain and was nearly killed in the process. The local mystic monks from the ancient monastery found him and nursed him back to health. This near death experience led him to conclude that there was more to life than what he learned from his shaman jungle training. He then began to immerse himself in the ancient mystical practices of the mountain monks. After many years he mastered them and returned to civilization. Forever changed, eternally superior.
Several weeks later he was no longer Hugo Holmesnow, son of incompetent parents. He was and, is The Rev. Dr. Holmesnow, certified life coach and inventor of the “Better Than You Superior Life Coaching System”. This system provides proven methods and techniques that are part of an overall method which contains the strategies that you need to excel, advance, achieve, attain, reach and conquer your dreams, goals, fears, hopes and desires.
In addition to creating a system of self-improvement, Holmesnow is the author of “What is Wrong With You? An Introduction to What is Wrong With You” and “Conquer Your Dreams: Defeat Your Dreams and Accomplish Your Goals”. Both are available now at Amazon in paperback and e-book formats.