Greetings, Doomed Monkeys! It’s old Uncle Mort here, slinging a whole new week of hash your way. It’s the first of the month, so get off on the right foot with Star Mistress Stella and her Stellar Forecast for September. Ray and the gang are back and looking for a place to dry off. Jimmy Jam and Sally Slam are here and resorting to their usual shenanigans. You don’t want to miss it! And as always, The Page Five Ghouls have taken a colleague’s advice and are off to release their inner Krakens. Oh boy, am I ever going to pay those kids? All this brought to you by 8 Teenz. Stay outta trouble, kids. Until next time, triskaidekaphobia!