Page Five Ghouls August 26, 201

Step Right Up

Byline: Gary Llewellyn

Dateline: August 26th, 2017

 

It can take a photon a million or more years to escape to the surface from its birthplace at the core of a star. Photons from the star Cas take sixteen thousand years to reach the Earth. Your life compared to a photon’s is that of a mayfly to you. Yet you were at the exact moment in time and exact point in space to catch that sucker in a cosmic, kamikaze money shot right on your retina, where it has converted to power a chemical chain in your central nervous system that caused you to think you saw light. You saw what your brain tells you is light and adds it to the map it’s constantly projecting onto reality. The relevant part of this rant ended with catching a million years old stellar load in the eye. I’m an imperceptible blip to this thing. I don’t exist long enough to qualify as a phantom, yet I’m at the right place and time, in the history of the universe, to murder the little fucker with my gaze.The point is, people like to tell me, ‘Gary, you can’t fight it. This thing is ancient.’ I slaughter innumerable ancient things just by opening my eyes. And you can open your eyes too. Just write to:

 

Send a $5 check or money order in a SASE to:

Gary’s Used Eclipse Glasses

℅ Kenbro Inc.

777 Mathers Court

Pueblo, CO. 81001

An assault on Interpol HQ in Lyon should be easy enough. Interpol is good at the cloak and dagger, but stand up fights? They contracted out those out to Oberon. After littering the field of battle with his dead, he’s no longer a factor. Is there a mysterious force in the universe that influences probability in favor of those that possess it? Unlikely, but it helps to believe in irrational things from time to time. Like rabbit’s feet, or, new from Kenbro; Fae Teeth.

 

Send a $5 check or money order in a SASE to:

Gary’s Loose Fae Teeth/Ears/Toes (please specify)

℅ Kenbro Inc.

777 Mathers Court

Pueblo, CO. 81001

 

The Goetics aren’t interested right now, because they don’t think I’ll get very far. But once Interpol is out of the way, the whole can get cracked open. Even Debbie Downer Dantalion will be coming to Ol’ Gary for help. It’s times like those you want to celebrate!  If you enjoy them finally eating the crow due them, Kenbro has just the thing:

 

Send a $5 check or money order in a SASE to:

Gary’s Savage Air Guitar Mixtape

℅ Kenbro Inc.

777 Mathers Court

Pueblo, CO. 81001

 

You’ve Got To Pick A Pocket Or Two

Byline: Stephanie Morgan

Dateline: August 26th, 2017

 

Heya, SEG-ers, my kobolds make shoes. They’re really nice shoes, but they’ve made so many goddamn shoes I don’t know what to do with them. So if you’re interested, they’re priced to go.

 

Send a $5 check or money order in a SASE to:

Stephanie’s Surplus Kobold Shoes

℅ Kenbro Inc.

777 Mathers Court

Pueblo, CO. 81001

 

This is authentic kobold craftsmanship. Craftskoboldship. They come in all styles; cute pumps, sneakers, flip flops, ones with curly toes, we have plenty of those, the weird wooden ones from the Netherlands. If you’re interested in a particular style, don’t wait! Stock is limited and the kobolds go through phases, so availability varies. Full disclosure, they’re made out of fae hide, so vegans and veggies, be forewarned.

SEG-ers, tomorrow we leave to go do something that is probably stupid as hell, but needs to be done. Even with Oberon broken and humbled an attack on Interpol (however easy) won’t be a walk in the park. I’m not going to bullshit you, I’m nervous. Really nervous. But I can’t show it or then Nathan will start getting really obsequious and thinking it’s something he’s done, but forget talking him off that ledge… So, you may be asking yourself, ‘How does she keep so cool?’ Well, SEG-ers, let Kenbro take that edge off.

 

Send a $5 check or money order in a SASE to:

Stephanie’s Canadian Xanax

℅ Kenbro Inc.

777 Mathers Court

Pueblo, CO. 81001

 

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