Greetings, Doomed Monkeys. It’s Uncle Mort back with another batten down the hatches, all hands on deck, three sheets to the wind edition of the Saturday Evening Ghost. It’s been a whole six months, can you believe it? Time flies when you have deadlines. This week Boozebus is back to distill the facts about Alchemy, for all the wizlings and wizlets at home. Merwin’s on the prowl with some handy advice that won’t leave you in the dark. A. Wizard drops by in visible and invisible form. On the latter, he interviews SEG’s very own self-help guru, Hugo Holmesnow, for some reason. The Joneses have found themselves down a hole in this month’s The Joneses. And as always the kids from the Page Five Ghouls are outstanding in their field. All is brought to you by our sponsors, Lig-a-Mintz. They’re not just horsing around. Have fun, kids. And stay up as late as you want. Until next time, attitudinarianism!
All You Zombies
A hologram of Holly blipped in front of Wolf and solidified as crazed, grey men lurched about the promenade attacking people in a crowd that had deadlocked itself in a chaotic rout.
“I’ve finished analyzing the binary from the ‘Peace’ poster, but it’s not binary code. It’s some kind of code,” she said to Wolf, “Or it seems to be. It’s a series of words with no clear pattern. Maybe used to initiate a program or unlock something.”
“Holly, hon,” Wolf pointed behind her. “You’re missing everything.”
Holly turned to see a grey man lunge toward her. Her hologram flickered, the grey man fell through and landed belly down.
“He looks odd,” Holly said looking down at the creature.
“He looks like he was raised in a cave. Grey skin and bug eyes.”
“Or a mine. I suspect these are the miners,” she bent down closer to the grey man, “He shows several features of prolonged subterranean dwelling, but his face…Could you stand up please?” she said to the grey man.
Is he though? I mean is he?
A soldier going into battle without a helmet is as ridiculous as it is unlikely. So too, must wizards protect themselves when they are traveling the invisible realms. There are many ways of shielding and protecting oneself from unwanted invisible influences but none is as effective and controversial as the classic Aluminum Foil Hat.
Whether you are an experienced wizard who needs a little extra something for an emergency, a brand new wizard seeking to temper the onset of psychic phenomenon, or a crazed street person trying in vain to block government rays, an Aluminum Foil Cap may be just what you are looking for.
Before constructing a cap of my own I was constantly bathing in strange concoctions and smearing all sorts of oils all over my body and lighting candle after candle to keep the supernatural horrors I encounter every day as a professional wizard at bay. Now, I simply slip my inexpensive, homemade Aluminum hat liner under my hat or hood and just like that I’m ready to summon or banish whatever is needed to complete whatever task was made easier by having an Aluminum Foil Cap.
This time on WOW SOE I get to talk to world famous Shaman, Monk, Life Coach, Reverend, and Doctor Hugo Holmesnow. He says all kinds of stuff!
Also, B.F. Smith Alchemist of the Blues stops by to sing an old timey song.
There’s some other kinds of talking too. Oh! I tell ya all about tin foil hats.
This episode sponsored by Lig-a-Mintz, the only mints powered by real horse ligaments and The Saturday Evening Ghost.
Music by Ben Zoodu