Letter From The Editor September 23, 2017

Greetings, Doomed Monkeys! Hey, guess what? It’s Saturday. Saturday evening to be exact. And that means another shipment of quality, grade-A cuts. Just feast your eyes on this selection. Like Mystical Merwin, back dishing the litter on a few reader submissions. A. Wizard answers the call with yet another Wizard on Whizzin podcast. And then some Hugo bit he agreed to do. B.F. Smith is pouring from the top shelf on this month’s lesson on Zen Boozism. The Joneses and the gang from Psamurai run into some disturbingly familiar faces when they go into the basement. Never go in basement, guys! And the Page Five Ghouls seem to be following directions again. We’ll see how long that lasts. All this is brought to you by our sponsor 8 Teenz who have a brand new innovation in candy technology they’re dying for you to try! So have fun, kids! And remember, electrotaxis!

Wizard on Whizzin’ Sound Only Edition Episode 7

Hi

This time on WOW SOE I talk to Star Mistress Stella, the astrologer for the SEG. She’s a cat!

B.F. Smith and Electric Holepunch droped off another song, “What’s in Your Pockets?”

T. Volpone reads chapter two of Hugo Holmesnow’s classic “What’s Wrong With You?”

A. Witch and I play crubbige, which is like cribbage except when it’s not.

Oh and Gary Keeps calling people….

Music by: Ben Zoodu

What’s in Your Pockets by B. F. Smith and Keithy G.

This episode sponsored by Lig-a-Neko-Waffer-Mintz-Gum, which is made by 8Teenz.

Visit www.saturdayeveningghost.com for more.

 

Wizard on Whizzin’ Sound Only Edition Presents: The RDHH Sonic Blast of Wisdom 03

This is Rev. Dr. Hugo Holmesnow’s Sonic Blast of Wisdom Series of Audio lectures as read by him or his underlings. In this episode T. Volpone reads Chapter Two of the classic self help book “What is Wrong With You? An Introduction to What Is Wrong With You.”

Page Five Ghoul, September 23rd, 2017

Spirits in the Material World

 

Byline: Gary Llewellyn

Dateline: September 23rd, 2017

Wizards. I assume they exist. I know plenty of people who say they are. But when you need some wizard shit done, they’re an endangered species who screen their calls. Talking to fortune telling cats is suddenly more interesting than a 73% chance of the Apocalypse. Fine. You think old Gary can’t whip some hedge shit up when he needs to? Think he’s a stranger to applying a little hoodoo elbow grease? Yes folks, old Gary is peeved enough to refer to himself in third person and argue with a straw man.

So what do we have for you today? We’re making extra cash on the side as house exorcists, so some kind of fucking ghost most likely. If people knew how easy haunt breaking was they wouldn’t pay us to do it. Hauntings aren’t really something people think they need to prepare for, but that’s where they’re wrong. Haunting can happen anywhere, anytime. You think because you’re the first occupant of your plywood, wrapped in Tyvek, American eclectic dream home, you’re safe? Let me tell you something, ghosts are dumb as shit and half the time they have no clue where they are. Ever wonder why pagodas have the curly corner roofs? Because ghosts are too fucking stupid to change direction, they hit the roof and go shooting off the little ramps back into ghost space. In ghost space they can hear you scream, because ghost space actually amplifies screams.

Continue reading “Page Five Ghoul, September 23rd, 2017”